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How to End a Long Term Relationship Correctly? Tips From Psychologists

how to end a long term relationship

A happy ending is an obligatory attribute of children’s fairy tales, but in life, everything is much more prosaic. We often find ourselves hostage to our love stories. And we just have to learn how to end complex and challenging relationships on time with minimal losses for both partners. All the advice below has been given by many psychologists from all over the world, regardless of cultural differences and the inner psychological structure of each person. They are universal for every situation, so keep your eyes open to find out how to end a long term relationship better.

I Don’t Know What to Do… How to Know When to End a Long-Term Relationship?

Relationships, like milk, sometimes turn sour. Quarrels, tears, suspicions … all this does not bode well. But how do you know that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? Here are three signs.

1. You keep fighting over the same problem

Constantly arguing over a single problem is a much more serious sign of a relationship crisis than we usually admit to ourselves. Such quarrels cause serious damage to your heart. Arguments in general are not so bad if, over time, you learn to discuss the deep essence of the problem, and not get involved in the same argument again. But if the same topic leads to identical fights every time you try to talk calmly, it means that you have not learned how to have a normal dialogue.

2. You don’t accept your partner as your equal

This sign manifests itself in two variations: either you consider yourself better than your partner, or worse. Both versions are a signal to think about how to end a long-term relationship with someone you love.

The belief that you are worse than your partner leads to a loss of self-confidence. It could also mean that you simply admire your partner too much. However, this is in any case a bad sign, since such a belief leads to the fact that you give your partner most of the power over the relationship. And when you lose control of a relationship, there is a risk of melting into it.

how to end a long-term relationship with someone you love

3. Your partner is unable to put themselves in your shoes

In fact, arguments are a sign of a healthy relationship. Arguing means that you both feel comfortable enough to be open about your feelings and also not afraid to discuss your point of view. But arguments become harmful if your partner does not understand why you think the way you think. She should be able to see the situation through your eyes and then disagree. This is a healthy process in which the interests of both parties are respected.

But disagreeing without realizing the other person’s position demonstrates that your woman doesn’t understand you at all. Agree that building a long-term relationship with a person who does not understand you is not the best strategy. In this case, even your lover will wonder how to know when to end a long term relationship with you because she might just get tired of quarrels.

First Steps on How to End a Long-Term Relationship With Someone You Love

Life is unpredictable. Just yesterday you enjoyed the moments spent with your partner, and today you decide to leave and do not know how to end a long term relationship peacefully. For most couples, this is a painful experience. After all, it is an important part of life and a person who used to be dearest of all remain behind.

From a psychological point of view, breaking off a long-term relationship is even more difficult, since every year partners’ personalities are mixed more and more. What do you have to do?

  • Recognize that the relationship has run its course. There aren’t enough touchpoints between you now. Some of you took a very rapid step forward in intellectual, psychological, financial, and emotional development, and someone stuck in one place.
  • Thanks for the experience. Treat yourself and your partner with respect. If you are hurt, or annoyed, if you feel anger, then pause.
  • You need time to deal with your feelings and emotions. Screaming, tantrums, and getting personal or mutual accusations will not help the cause.
  • Determine the reason for the divorce. This is necessary in order to avoid speculation and omissions. Your arguments for why the relationship should end should be clear and understandable.
  • Don’t blame your partner! Your ex is the person you once loved and enjoyed spending time with. No matter how your relationship develops, maintain respect, gratitude, and an adult mature stance. It is always about wisdom and dignity.
  • Prepare in advance for the decisive conversation. Think about what exactly you want to say, specifically write down certain phrases, arguments, and facts regarding your decision. This will give you confidence.
how to end a long term relationship

How to Decide to End a Long Term Relationship and Not Get Lost in Memories?

Avoid memories of first dates, romantic walks, and travels together. Each of us keeps such painful memories in our memory, but it is better not to remember them. Since the swinging of emotions can shake your stamina in making a fateful decision. Or you can fall into depression and then you will need to think about how to treat yourself and motivate you to live on much more.

When leaving, go away

If you decide to leave and know exactly how to end a long term relationship when you live together, then do it irrevocably, once and for all. Don’t give too much hope if you’re just bored. No need to write to your already ex-girlfriend out of nowhere, if it suddenly seems to you that beautiful snow has gone outside the window. Leave her alone and give a chance to live your life.

How to End a Long-term Relationship When You Live Together With Kids

When a couple has children, the next step is to talk to them. It is important here not to involve the child in an adult relationship and not shift the responsibility for the decision to leave. And, of course, in no case do not manipulate the kid. It is better to say that the decision has already been made, but this will not affect your feelings for the child. Despite the divorce of mom and dad, you will remain loving parents to the baby.

how to end a long term relationship

Is It Possible To Break-up With a Messenger?

No. Don’t make this mistake with digital heartbreak, please. No messenger can replace a live heart-to-heart conversation. So, how to end a long-term relationship in real life? Do not forget that emoticons and stickers in messages hide real people with real emotions, and the process of parting with you can be much more difficult for them than for you. These tips of course do not work in the case when you need to break up with a chat girlfriend, for example, in dating apps. In addition, there are 5 more bad ways to end relationship.

5 Bad Ways to End a Long Term Relationship

  1. Disappear. It’s a bad idea to leave in English without saying goodbye or explaining anything. Such a gap leaves a feeling of uncertainty. Respect the feelings of the person you loved, if only out of gratitude for everything experienced together.
  2. Take the blame. There are two people involved in the relationship. Therefore, it is foolish and wrong to blame yourself for everything. At first, it sounds fake, like you just want to get it over with quickly. Secondly, the partner will not work on the mistakes and will not change her behavior in the next novel.
  3. Blame your partner for everything. If you say a bunch of nasty things at parting, then you will give rise to a lot of complexes in a person. You should also not complain about the former chosen one to mutual friends. This puts both them and you in an awkward position. Don’t force them to take sides.
  4. Pursue. Intrusion into the life of the former partner after the end of the relationship only prevents you from moving on. So try not to go to her page on social networks and not get news from mutual friends. And remember that calling at night after a couple of glasses to talk heart to heart has never made anyone happier. Constantly appearing in the life of an ex-partner, but not wanting to be with her, is extremely selfish.
  5. Fantasize about if things were different. It is wrong to think that if you behaved differently in this or that situation, you would be together now. One mistake doesn’t often lead to a breakup. The exception is perhaps the situation of treason.
how to end a long term relationship

Conclusion

Will everything be fine? Of course! Over time, you will feel better after a breakup, but if you feel worse, feel free to contact a specialist. Just don’t try to be friends with the person you’re dumping. At first, for sure. Remember: psychologists are convinced that intergender friendships without a love story are much better than those relationships that can be built with an ex-partner. Feel free to look for new friends and girlfriends to share the news with them and send selfies to each other. Put tips on how to end a long term relationship into practice, and leave your understanding, but already ex-soulmate, alone. 

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2 Comments

  1. Hannah

    When I read the second part of the article, I realized that it was about me. We’re really not equal with my partner. I make more money than he does. I’m constantly paying my apartment bills, buying food, and spending money not on myself, but on household expenses.
    I really don’t like it, and he doesn’t want to change. Constantly comes up with silly excuses!
    Thank you very much for this useful article, I really understood myself. I feel that I finally need to take the first step and break up our relationship.

  2. Victoria

    Great article! It’s always difficult to know when it’s time to end a long-term relationship, and this article provides some useful signs to look out for. I particularly agree with the point about constantly fighting over the same problem – it’s a clear indication that something deeper is wrong in the relationship. And the idea of accepting your partner as your equal is also important – if one person feels superior or inferior to the other, it can create power imbalances and ultimately lead to the relationship’s demise. Overall, the tips provided in this article are practical and helpful for anyone who is struggling with the decision to end a long-term relationship (honestly, I need these pieces of advice because right now I’m feeling the weight of not being able to end a relationship like this). It’s important to remember to be respectful and kind to yourself and your partner during this difficult time.

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